found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
