When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
