when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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