oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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