five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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