Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
