Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
