im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
