I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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