Small penises have feelings too.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That accounts for only three of the penises
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
