apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She bit a glass in half.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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