I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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