farters have to be the big spoon...
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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