she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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