Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
