Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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