5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
