Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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