my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Couch. On fire.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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