I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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