I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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