I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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