I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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