I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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