everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Randomize
