I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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