What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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