I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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