Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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