Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
