We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
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I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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