I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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