Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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