I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
