woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
