you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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