I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
