It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
