So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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