I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
