He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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