She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
