nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
