I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
