Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
