Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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