and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
