the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
