Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I didn't shave. On purpose
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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