Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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