FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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