Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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