Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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