maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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