Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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