Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
