I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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