I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
