Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
