just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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