There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
