I cockslap morals
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
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