Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
